Building Me Up.
We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character; and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5
For the last year and a half I have been living a minimal lifestyle. I have very few things, in fact most of my belongings can fit into 4 suitcases. I do not have a car and I have been living on a $200 a month budget for the last year and a half and the entire year prior to this I had no income at all for a whole year. Now, in the midst of this I have travelled the world, seen miracle after miracle, and experienced an abundance of joy that I can not fully understand let alone explain.
In the past few weeks I have been praying for God to provide me with a car and with more support for my time here in Georgia. Yesterday I felt a chuckle as I prayed. I am pretty sure that I am praying for the wrong thing here. My only motivation for having a car is so that my life will be more convenient. So that I wont have to ask for rides to the grocery store or to and from work every day. To make life easier. Last time I checked I did not sign up for an easier life, I signed up for a full life, an adventurous life.
This season has not been about me getting everything that I want when I want it and being comfortable in the process. It has been about being stripped from everything that brings me comfort to bring me to a deeper place of dependance on the Father, to bring me to a place of desperation. The desperation brings me to the Father, it brings me into a deeper love than ever before. I am not desperate enough. I have visited places where people cried out to God daily in desperation for him to move and show up because they were hungry or afraid for their lives. Here I am crying out because I am uncomfortable, because my American life just doesn’t seem middle class enough.
In two weeks I am going back to Georgia from my short vacation here in California and I do not have a car, or a big shopping budget, or all of the things that I want but I have a deeper well that God has poured out on me. That love goes with me everywhere and today I am more aware of it that ever was before. My prayer today is not that life would get easier, but that in the midst of my discomfort that I would encounter God deeper and that deep well would be poured out on everyone around me. That I would walk in more boldness and courage. (Thats another blog entirely)
He is rebuilding me. This process is hard, it hurts, and I want to quit more often than not. But I wont. I will stand. He will move and I will stand.
